It’s probably safe to say that a fair number of people who follow this column are old enough to have lost their mothers before Mother’s Day this year. My situation is particularly unique. I don’t have children; my brother and sister don’t either. So it could be a lonely holiday if I let it be, but I choose not to. Instead, I’ll remember the powerful personality my mother had and the legacy she left behind.
Legend has it (I have never seen her birth certificate) that she was born with the name Stella Maris Vitanza in 1924, the first child of Sicilian immigrants. In the Sicilian language, her name means “star of the sea.” And since Sicily is an island in the heart of the Mediterranean, her name suited her and her personality perfectly. Also, according to Sicilian tradition, she grew up with enormous respect for her parents. She worshipped both of them, particularly her father, Frank, for whom I’m named. But in most ways, she was very like her mother, Theresa. And that was, shall we say, feisty.
Born and raised in Brooklyn, my mother was, in many ways, a contradiction. She was not highly educated, but she was very intelligent. She had a strong, highly personalized faith, but virtually never stepped inside of a church. She had a powerful sense of family, but could also be fiercely independent. Stella (as I almost always called her) raised three children while working full time during an era when most woman stayed at home. She respected authority while at the same time encouraged us to always speak truth to power. And she was passionate, with a capital P. In other words, she could love you so intensely and then destroy you with equal vigor. I’ve been told that’s a trait of Sicilian women. She had it in spades. But, in reality, it’s not just Sicilian women. I think that of all the traits she left me, this is the one I identify with most.
Stella also had these quirky sayings that I believe all families have, too. In many ways, they can only make sense to those who lived them. I also think that those of my parents’ generation, the so-called Greatest Generation, this quirkiness is particularly interesting and intense. Let’s call mine Stellaisms. Here are just a few examples.
Whenever my mother wanted to encourage us to try and taste something new, she would say: “Try it. It’s sweet as sugar.” No matter what food it was, she always said it was sweet as sugar. Sometimes it was, often it was not. Getting into the car for any long journey always required a last-minute trip to the bathroom, in Stella’s words, to “tinkle.” Whenever my brother and I would want to get a rise out of her, we would respond: “You mean take a leak.” She would get agitated and counter with: “Don’t you two get vulgar with me!” Then, there was the great medical cure that could remedy virtually any malady — maybe even cancer — A+D Ointment, a salve made mostly of vitamins A and D extract. Stella used it on everything: burns, scrapes, cuts, gashes and rashes, everything could be made better, she believed, by using it.
She also had a wickedly dry and sarcastic sense of humor. For example, whenever someone found out her name and went into the Marlin Brando “A Street Car Named Desire” STELLA! routine, she would respond by looking that person in the eye and saying in a very exaggerated voice, “Gee, I’ve never heard that before!”
Of course, these are fun things to remember and there are many more. We should certainly celebrate them for what they are.
But Stella was also loved intensely and was a fierce defender of her family. Because of her passion, she could sometimes be cruel and demanding at the same time, especially with my sister. I suppose that’s what made her such a memorable human being. She was the whole package and lived just short of 100 years. She was not famous. She was Stella – and that was enough.
So celebrate your moms, in person or for the memories they gave you over the course of a lifetime. It’s all good — if you let it be. Happy Mother’s Day, everyone.
Frank LoBuono is a Nyack resident, photographer, blogger and retired CBS News journalist.
Editor’s note: The views expressed in this article are those of this independent writer and not the Nyack News & Views editorial staff. We welcome submissions from anybody who is interested in publishing their thoughts, ideas and perspectives about issues facing our community, both large and small. Please send submissions to info@nyacknewsandviews.com.
Photo credit: George Pejoves
