Perhaps it was the cold, dreary, wet weather. It certainly suited my somber mood. But, then again, no matter what the weather may bring on Memorial Day/Weekend, my inclination is to be quiet and introspective. Surely the day, despite the parades, barbecues, day off, and the generally festive air of a “holiday”, has always been a solemn occasion to me; one to take the time to reflect on the ultimate sacrifice our fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, cousins, and friends made on our behalf.
I am of an age that Vietnam was the war that had the most consequences for my generation. It certainly did for me. I was just about to enter high school at the time of The Tet Offensive (1968) and because of my rather tender age, I’m not sure I entirely understood the impact it would have on not only the war but America itself. But I do recall being fascinated by the dynamics of it. I also remember Walter Chronkite’s famous editorial in the aftermath of the attacks and how dire our situation there had become. It began a mindset that I have to this very day, i.e. question EVERYTHING, especially when the government is involved. As I advanced through high school the war continued. However, it was in the process of “winding down.” Still there was a question of continuing to support the war or opposing it. And before they halted it, I had to contemplate the possibility that if drafted into the military, would I still serve?
As it turned out, it was a decision that I would never have to make. The Vietnam War ended in 1975 while I was still too young to directly feel any of the consequences of that terrible conflict. In fact, at that time I can’t recall knowing anyone directly who served there. Therefore, I did not know anyone who gave their life in Vietnam. It wasn’t until years later when I began college and particularly after in my professional and personal life, did I encounter Vietnam veterans. It was then that I realized how enormous the challenges they faced were and how great the sacrifices they ALL made – and still do. Some, of course, made the ultimate sacrifice by giving their lives in our service.
Interestingly, I still don’t know of any of my friends’ families that lost members directly IN that war. However, I do personally know some who died FROM that war. There are so many who took the images of that horrible war home with them and still died in the rice paddies and villages of their minds. I would like to honor them all, particularly two who affect my life to this very day.
The first is my brother-in-law, Paul Liszka. A Polish kid from Bogota, NJ, he served as an Army medic during his tour of duty in Vietnam. I can only imagine the horrors he experienced there. Still, he was such a good-natured and happy person one might never have known. He loved animals and when he married my older sister brought an old hound dog with him. Both he and my sister were a bit older and had no children, so it was a good mix. People liked being around Paul. But eventually we discovered something very insidious. He had brought a wound back with him that he never showed. Because it was not on his body but in his mind. Paul had brought a heroin addiction back with him. When we found out we did our best to get him help. But the addiction was strong. We eventually found him with a needle in his arm, alone, while my sister was away on business. That terrible war had claimed another victim.
The second was one of the most noble men I have ever known. His name was Jerry Donnellan. I met him while I was managing the local cable TV studio. He helped me as much as any other being ever has. And it wasn’t just me. He did it for thousands. Jerry was a local kid from Nyack, NY when he dropped out of college and found himself drafted into the Army. Because he was older than most of the other kids being drafted, they thought he’d make a good leader. So, the Army made him the platoon sergeant in an elite Ranger battalion. They were known as the acronym “LRRP’s” for Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol. Simply put, their mission was to seek out and destroy animal personnel. They would sometime go out into the bush for days at a time to set up ambushes along the Ho Ci Minh trail. And they were good at it.
I can only imagine what close quarter combat did to the mind of a 20-year-old kid from Nyack who found himself in a primitive jungle 6000 miles from his home! And for Jerry the wounds were horribly physical too. He lost his leg just below the knee and significant parts of his arm in a vicious firefight with the Viet Cong. He took him years to cover and was still in physical pain for the rest of his life. Of course, there was the psychological toll as well with a failed marriage and a time as an alcoholic.
Still, Jerry was one of the most positive people I ever met. He was witty, charming, and incredibly generous. Many said he embodied the ways of a classic Irishman. And his Superpower was to make you feel important – your voice mattered. He used that power repeatedly to help thousands of veterans through his position as Rockland County Head of Veterans Affairs. But it was not just vets. He seemed to help anyone who needed it. Hell, I’m not a veteran and he saved me in more than one way more than one time! And he ALWAYS did it with a smile on his face.
That’s why when I found out that he took his own life a few years ago I was devastated. I just couldn’t fathom how a man who saved SO many could not find a way to save himself. Even though he never complained, I knew that he was in physical pain much of the time. One of the things that made Jerry so unique was that instead of crying about his injuries he would often use his prosthetic leg as a prop in some hilarious joke! How could things have gotten so bad? How could I have missed the signs that, inside, he was hurting so badly? There may never be an answer. I must be satisfied with the notion that like my brother-in-law, Paul, another one died not in the war, but from it. And I honor them, all of them, for their service and sacrifice. They are not forgotten.
Remember them. Remember them all.
EPILOGUE: In 2020, there were 6,146 Veteran suicides, which averages to 16.8 Veterans dying by suicide every day. Additinally, in the last two decased between 20001 and 2020, the prevalence of mental health or substance use disorder (SUD) among participants using Veterans Health Administration (VHA) rose from 27.9% to 41.9%.
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At the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, we understand that life’s challenges can sometimes be difficult. Whether you’re facing mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns, or just need someone to talk to, our caring counselors are here for you. You are not alone.
Frank LoBuono is a Nyack resident, photographer, blogger and retired CBS News journalist.
Editor’s note: The views expressed in this article are those of this independent writer and not the Nyack News & Views editorial staff. We welcome submissions from anybody who is interested in publishing their thoughts, ideas and perspectives about issues facing our community, both large and small. Please send submissions to info@nyacknewsandviews.com.
Photo credit: George Pejoves