by Jocelyn Jane Cox
Welcome to the Chronicles of Parenting by local author, freelance writer, blogger and parent-of-toddler Jocelyn Jane Cox. Read on for advice you never knew you needed and the chuckles you know you really need, tailored to those who live in the Great State of Parenthood.
It’s that time of year when human beings across the land resolve to improve themselves. Granted, most of us aim far too high and fail miserably within the first week, but there’s always value in trying…or it’s good to teach our children this, anyway. In fact, I believe it’s never too early to learn how to make New Year’s resolutions, and that toddlers, of all people, could really benefit from this tradition. Just in case they aren’t quite sure what to choose, I have a few suggestions. For example:
- This year, I will climb directly into my car seat instead of crawling across it in order to do laps around the back seat like an adorable yet rabid animal.
- Though it is extremely entertaining and highlights the dexterity of my lower extremities, I vow to no longer hold cheese sticks between my toes.
- When showcasing my vocal talents in restaurants and other public places, I vow to choose a volume that allows other people to continue their own conversations and think their own thoughts without having to cover their ears in self protection.
- When exploring the adhesive properties of my extensive sticker collection, I intend to limit their placement to paper, or at least to items that are mine, instead of the floor, walls, and dining room table of the home my parents are trying to preserve and pay off with their hard-earned money. (The same applies to the use of crayons and magic markers.)
- Though all garbage receptacles are unique and intriguing in their own way, I will cease to explore them with my tongue, lips, and even hands, and focus more on just swiftly placing trash inside them.
- If hardened mucous builds up in my nostrils, I will not use my index finger to try to extract it for hours on end; I will instead procure a square piece of tissue along with the help of a parental figure.
- I will make a concerted effort to scrub the toothbrush against my teeth in a vigorous fashion instead of merely ingesting that delicious toothpaste.
- Finally, I promise to try ONE BITE of new foods that are placed in front of me, especially if Mommy has put a great deal of effort into preparing them. (Though of course I still expect her to eat them as well, with dramatic and exaggerated enthusiasm.)
This is by no means an exhaustive list: please feel free to suggest other resolutions to your own child. Happy New Year Everyone – may it be filled with excellent parenting choices and of course lots of laughter.
Jocelyn Jane Cox is a freelance writer and author. Her 2012 humor book on life in the New York suburbs, The Homeowner’s Guide to Greatness: How to handle natural disasters, design dilemmas and various infestations, is available on Amazon.com. Follow her on Twitter at @JocelynJaneCox.
The Chronicles of Parenting is sponsored by The Palisades Center, your one-stop-shop for fun. See the complete schedule of events at PalisadesCenter.com.