by Jocelyn Jane Cox
Welcome to the Chronicles of Parenting by local author, freelance writer, blogger and parent-of-toddler Jocelyn Jane Cox. Read on for advice you never knew you needed and the chuckles you know you really need, tailored to those who live in the Great State of Parenthood.
It has recently come to our attention that you would like to phase out of your role in our organization. Rumor has it that you are even considering retirement.
First of all, we wanted to let you know we have been very pleased with the work you have done here over the last 2.75 years: never once, not even for a second, did we take you for granted. In fact, you have been a cornerstone of our success as parents. By success, we mean pretty much…survival. You have been consistent. You have been reliable. The respite you have given us in the middle of each day has kept us sane. (And yes, we do use the word sane loosely.)
The fact that you have arrived late several times lately and your work recently has been a little “inconsistent” does pain us. (Truthfully, we are FREAKED OUT. Have you ever seen Edvard Munch’s iconic painting The Scream?) But we are willing to overlook this in light of your previous performance and in the hopes that we can entice you to stay on board longer. All we are asking for here is really just another five to ten years…or perhaps longer? Along those lines, we have set up a mentor for you: she is highly skilled and quite experienced – her name is Siesta and she hails from Spain.
As a token of our sincere appreciation, please accept this gift basket filled with Chamomile tea, lavender oils, and warm milk. And while we believe that the sound machine we have provided is top of the line, we are willing to replace it if you feel that another one would help you to increase your productivity.
Our promise to you is that we will tiptoe throughout our home while you work your magic. We will close doors gently and speak only in whispers. As always, we will talk about you with the utmost respect. Furthermore, if it is necessary for us swallow our pride, fall to our knees and full-out beg you to stay, WE WILL DO IT. Because this is how much we value you.
Jocelyn Jane Cox is a freelance writer and author. Her 2012 humor book on life in the New York suburbs, The Homeowner’s Guide to Greatness: How to handle natural disasters, design dilemmas and various infestations, is available on Amazon.com. Follow her on Twitter at @JocelynJaneCox.
The Chronicles of Parenting is sponsored by The Palisades Center, your one-stop-shop for fun.
See Santa at the Palisades Center on Fri Nov 13 at 6p in the East Court on Level 1 for Santa’s Arrival and Tree-Lighting Ceremony, near H&M & Uniqlo. Plus performances by NYC Trombone Trio’s Brian Troianio and Matt Broschinsky and local singer Sophia Sarrubbo.
See the complete schedule of events at PalisadesCenter.com.